Who: The Mizuki Quest Crew What: Mizuki Quest When: Roughly around the end of Feburary Where: The Caerula Arbor Warnings: Will come up in tags when appears
[livio can't make much sense of the first part, besides it being a firsthand account from terra, likely by someone seaborn. he doesn't know enough about terra's goings-on to draw conclusions. but maybe while the terrans here can pore over that, he can figure out the rest of the writing, brows pulling together the more he interprets.]
"In a life-or-death situation, what would you be willing to sacrifice to ensure your survival?" [HM. don't like that.] What are the other entries? [maybe various accounts or cryptic messages will paint a bigger picture.]
[- oh just as he was about to ask if the bottom half was a code, Livio reads it off. Dipper makes a note of that in the journal he suddenly pulled out of his coat.]
[Once he’s done with it, he pulls out his camera. Sorry about the flash.]
[ I spun randomly and got the bottom right one, and it's very funny to me specifically it worked out like that, y'all- Anyway, Yaaay (confetti)
The note that comes up for this one, everyone will immediately see, bright blue paint, or for those who know the Seaborn blood color, blood smeared across the page. It reads: ]
RETURN TO US, ISHAR'MLA
[ But you can vaguely read the note beneath it. It's written in the same handwriting as the last. ]
Maybe losing the Firstborn of "Migration" has made the others forget Our true goals? Perhaps I am just too in tune with the Caerula Arbor that I pass judgment on the others too easily. It's unclear to me at this point. I imagine the other Bishops are the same. Regardless, Quintus, the Bishop of Ishar'mla, has died. And I know so has Ishar'mla, though It has chosen a new host in the hunters that have killed it. I can still feel Its presence, though dormant. If She awakens, I fear She and the newly reborn Primordial Lifespring will cause devastation throughout the whole of Terra.
A Profound Silence so great it will wipe out all technology, all civilization as we know it. This makes my research more important. I must make haste.
I've obtained a new Aegir apprentice. Her name is Highmore. She was very willing to subject herself to becoming Seaborn and be experimented on after I had simply taken her from those gallows. I suppose it's cruel of me to take advantage of it, but she's retained her humanity well. At least Mizuki has a friend now.
[ And once again, there's more Seaborn language scribbled across the bottom. ]
[He will continue to scratch down the symbols, thanks. He's got this. Although this certainly isn't how he would have wanted to learn Highmore's history, but uh...]
Well, this is starting to answer some questions about the Firstborn, isn't it?
[He has nothing else to add here.]
We should get as many photos as possible. [With a nod to Dipper.] Even if they aren't going to prove useful later, they're quite interesting to read, and I'm sure Mizuki will be willing to explain when we rescue him.
[The pursuit of knowledge... never fucking stops.
Anyway, he'll wait for Dipper to take photos again. Someone else can touch the computer, Gnosis doesn't want to leave anyone in the dust by being a speed-reader.]
[ You've got the gist of how this computer works now, at least. There's still the four unopened notes off to the side, but you all decide to keep with the symbols here first. The bottom right one is hit, popping open another page. ]
My understanding of the Nevermelting Iceberg, gleaned through the lens of We Many, is but a fragment of a much larger tapestry. It's of no fault of the Firstborn that I have not researched it more, but rather fault of the man who stands as its Bishop—a figure of profound influence.
The Firstborn is steeped in ancient ways, a being of simplicity that even humans would grasp. It embodies a perspective that shuns needless violence, much like the Caerula Arbor. Yet, therein lies a divergence: while the Arbor seeks harmony, the Iceberg's resolution is to dissolve individuality into a singular existence—just Seaborn, just We Many.
I find myself at odds with this notion, for it strikes at the very heart of what We hold dear: the principle of Growth. How can We aspire to reach our fullest potential if We are stripped of the very stimuli that nurture Our evolution? Consider the intricate dance of life—the insects that have evolved to wield poison against their foes, the plants that ensnare with their alluring scents, the art of camouflage. These marvels thrive in the rich soil of coexistence, drawing strength from the diversity that surrounds them. The beauty of ecological change is a testament to the power of variety. How could we ever hope to be merely Us?
Ah, but I digress. The Firstborn embodies Our final pillar: Reproduction. It drifts through the ocean, a colossal leviathan, serving as a sanctuary for Our kin to breed. To the untrained eye, it may appear cloaked in snow, yet those are not mere crystals; they are the eggs of Our future. Aulus, the Bishop of this Firstborn, treads a perilous path, for he takes it upon himself to feed Our flesh to those who would join Us, transforming them into Seaborn. I fear that his actions may unwittingly beckon another war to Our very doorstep.
[ And once again, Seaborn writing at the bottom. ]
[ Great, cool, cool cool cool, this is all nerd shit. Who takes notes about their own Gods? This Bishop guy, apparently. What a loser, haha. Anyway, you might as well go to hit the top left symbol now. It's the biggest of them, even. The astute of you here might be able to put together what this one would be. It's mentioned before, even by Mizuki himself. The Caerula Arbor. You go to touch it...
...
The screen glitches out, and nothing changes. You press it again, it's the same. Weird. Well, third time's a charm, right? If nothing else, from there you can figure out what else there is to investigate, but... the third time it's hit, the screen is bombarded with images. You're unable to really absorb any of them before a new image shows up. Dead Seaborn, dead people, cult gatherings, sacrifices, fire, fire, so much fire, the ocean but riddled with bodies, the shoreline covered in Nethersea Brand, lighthouses crumbling, ships sinking, carnage...
And then all at once the images go away. There's a deep rumble that comes from the tree. ]
We... are born.
[ It's a very, very deep voice that seems to sound from all around. It doesn't seem to be addressing anyone specifically. It's... like an echo of a voice long past. ]
Be that of the sky, be that of the land, be that of the sea. We are born of the universe. A collective of itself. A unity of cells. A unity of stars. A unity of atoms. A unity of life. I come into peace of the chaos.
I bear witness to the beings who would not tax their lives with forethoughts of grief.
We are not so different. We are wild. We wake up and survive. We learn and love. We evolve and grow. When a seed sprouts, it does not know if it will become food, or live to be a towering tree. But that is our cycle. And life cycles – life persists. We provide nutrients to our hunters, we provide knowledge to our offspring, we help them to survive.
So are we all not kin? Would a god decide that a life is invaluable, as if it is not a life itself? What right does a life have to decide that another doesn’t get the chance to be part of our cycle anymore?
I bear witness to the beings who would not tax their lives with forethoughts of grief. But perhaps they should.
I rest with the grace of the universe. The day-blind stars are above me. I feel it. May those who interrupt the cycle of growth inherit my pain forevermore.
well, despite the glares earlier, livio moves a little closer to him, if nothing else, than to give affogato the feeling of being shielded. he did say he's here to defend, after all.]
[ Once the bellowing voice of the Arbor settles, things start to settle and go quiet, sans the occasional chirp of the Seaborn, who all seem to be doing their own thing. Sesa's 'dog' rolls around in the water and flops its belly into it. Affogato's blob spins around on his shoulder, with the occasional "pew". Joshua's baby goes from his left hand to his right to hold onto it with its head hand. All's well... until you can feel your heads get heavy. There's a voice again, but it's not aloud this time. It's in your mind, your pretty sure. Something in your thoughts... ]
[ For those of you who rolled a 1: (Affo, Livio)
You will hear millions upon millions of voices in your head. All of them whispering in different tones, different voices, different emotions. Despite this, they all seem to be asking the same thing: ]
What would you be willing to sacrifice to ensure your survival?
[ ...More than that, though. While there is this sea of voices in your head, there's one other in the midst you seem to be able to pick up on. Thoughts that still aren't your own. But each other's. ]
[ For those of you who rolled a 2: (Dipper, Gnosis)
You hear the sound of static in your head. It's faint, but it's there. You both will notice that you can hear each other's thoughts before there's finally a voice. And when it's there it's...
...Mizuki's? It's distant. It's static-y. Like a bad recording. But it's there! ]
...What would...consider your biggest 'growth'...your life...be...?
[ For those of you who rolled a 3: (Joshua, Sesa)
Among your thoughts, you notice there's a humming that invades your head. Sesa may vaguely recognize this voice? Regardless, after a moment, this voice speaks: ]
Missing things from home... that's a human thing, is it not? Yet all the same, I can't help but wonder, what do you miss? What would you do to get it back?
[ And, like the others, you both will realize soon you can hear each others thoughts... ]
[ For you who rolled a 4... (Jade)
...It's silent, at first, actually. A little too silent.
...
... ]
Are you lonely?
[ The voice is smooth, yet echoey and distant, like it's speaking to you from an empty stage. You can hear it's every intake of air, every syllable, so clearly as if the words come from your own mouth. ]
Are you lonely? What's that like for you? Who do you miss? Who do you miss the most? Do you want them back? Do you want that to be fixed? Do you want to stay lonely? Do you hate this feeling? What's it like?
[ The silence is suddenly filled by this voice, who rapidfires off these questions to you. Then it repeats it, over and over and over and over and over - it's almost maddening, you want the silence back! Shut up, shut up...
...
You do not hear others thoughts aside from this voice, but fret not, because everyone can hear yours. ]
What would you be willing to sacrifice to ensure your survival?
[ The cacophony of voices was bad enough, making him clutch at his head, try to even hear himself amongst the rolling sweep of them. No! No no no no! He doesn't want this! He doesn't want to be lost in a sea of voices! Is he screaming? He doesn't know. He can't hear himself to scream.
NO NO NO!
Who is he amongst the million? Nothing, no one. Just one of many.
Anything. He would give anything to ensure his survival, because no one else will. No one ever has, not even when he was a child, tossed away and disdained for simply because of what he was. So he gave everything of himself. His comfort, his dignity. No one helped so he gave it all and now?! Now he can't hear himself, he's losing all he fought for to make of himself, and he's screaming- ]
[for livio, the feeling of a heavy head sinking is... familiar. what a terrible time for it.
there are millions of voices, though, not just those living in his own head. it... makes him ever so slightly better prepared to deal with this than affo, but it's still overwhelming and he feels a familiar migraine threaten to split his skull down the middle.
he's dreaded this question since he first read it.]
Nothing. [he thinks immediately, before his own voice corrects with the desperation of a starving animal.] Anything! [the back and forth continues.] I'm worthless. You're everything! I'd rather die than make someone suffer for me. I'll kill and kill and KILL to make sure you NEVER suffer again! If you want me to make the choice, just kill me now. You're the whole fucking point! You're EVERYTHING!
[it seems livio, razlo, and affogato all shout simultaneously, overlaid atop the million repetitive questions. even among the jumble of words, though, he can still feel the core of affogato's thoughts as if they were his own. there's no hesitation, despite razlo's insistence otherwise.]
Use me. No, no, NO! I won't let you! Please. [if this was all a trap, a test, and one of them has to sacrifice to save the other, let it be him. he's felt the same pain affogato is feeling right now, and clearly affo wants to live more than he does.]
Edited 2025-02-20 04:29 (UTC)
cw: talk of poisoning/bodily effects like gagging, vomiting/choking on it etc
[ Is he thinking it, screaming it? Livio's thoughts burn loud among the millions of others as well as the one that- ah, he remembers it. The one he let loose on the beach the one time by having Livio test a tonic. Razlo. Both of them, arguing back and forth, and Affogato feels like he's quailing, sinking.
Why won't they shut up what does he do to make them shut up?
Use me, Livio says and Affogato shrinks away from his 'voice'. ]
Shut up!
[ It's too loud. It's too loud and he can't think. Silence. He needs silence. His hand is still on his staff, he can feel it. He raises it up. Silence. He can't hear if it jingles or not but it does. The sound is... probably fucking ominous.
Poison will give him silence. It always does. Cruel tongues falling limp, forcing their barbs back into their throats. Choke on it. What will he give to survive?
[huh what was that was that a question... He'll think back at it in Victorian:]
My biggest growth? ...it probably came from after Enciodes and I returned to Kjerag after graduating college, I suppose. Perhaps when we started Karlan Trade?
[It really is nerd-to-nerd communication here. Anyway, that bellowing was insane and he's also trying to write things down as fast as he can. He wants to make sure he doesn't forget anything.]
[Dipper's thoughts are a stream of consciousness that bounce wildly around. Gotta get this down as fast as possible, there's a lot of information here, i'm still missing context I think, need to make a chart for the names, how many sects does their church have, I wonder what seaborn taste like, hey did I leave that curry out before leaving I hope Grunkle Stan puts it in the fridge, that language is super interesting, I wonder if I can crack it after having this many lines of letters, homemade pink sprinkles for cupcakes do you think mamika would-]
[Then it cuts off as another voice joins. This one is muffled some and it sounds like an amaglamation of Dipper's voice and something else, something distorted and shrill, almost. High pitched with an almost scream quality to it. The two voices speak as one: What makes you think you're contributing anything here that someone else isn't already? You keep writing down your little notes like you want to be some hero but aren't you just getting in the way?]
Shut up! I didn't ask you, and- Damn it, you made me miss what the voice said! It sounded like Mizuki! UGH!
That sounds like YOUR problem, doesn't it? Can't even keep your thoughts straight anymore.
I said shut up! It said something about growth! I- I don't know. I think maybe when Mabel and I decided to walk through the Door. We knew we wouldn't be going home ever again, but we needed to move forward, even if that meant saying good bye to the life we used to know.
...Have you noticed yet? What's happening?
[Dipper very suddenly snaps his attention to Gnosis, wide and startled.]
Yeah, those sure are Dipper thoughts! And... something else? The next stream of consciousness is again in Kjeragi before Gnosis has the "wait shit" moment and decides he's going to talk out loud... looks like Affo was doing something, but Gnosis is too focused on the thought invasion to really give two fucks right now. That, and he's reaaaally taking notes here. He and Dipper both, it seems.
He takes a deep breath.]
Our thoughts are linked.
[And he assumes, by the perturbed expressions of the others, that's true for them as well. That assumption rings loud and completely unclear in Dipper's mind: "De andre er også berørt. — Wait, fuck."]
[There is suddenly. A lot to focus on in the span of what feels like just a few seconds. Between the information being blasted at them from the terminal, and the fact the Arbor just spoke at them...there's little time to process or really react to it all.
The humming suddenly invades Sesa's thoughts, and hearing a somewhat familiar voice actually makes him startle and look back over his shoulder. He wouldn't say he knows Skadi well, but she's a fellow Operator...he has passing knowledge of almost everyone at Rhodes, and she is no exception.
What do you miss? What would you do to get it back?, her voice asks.
And like an intrusive thought (which it basically is, his stream of consciousness), Sesa answers it instantly, of which Joshua will also abruptly be hearing:]
Brother. My brother, my brother, I miss my brother so much. I want to take his place. Let me take his place. He didn't deserve to die let me take his place!!!
[ There is certainly! A lot going on! It's almost too much for Joshua to keep track of - the agonizingly loud sounds of the Arbor, the computer, and now an unfamiliar voice in his head. Joshua closes his eyes, sucking in a breath, trying to focus. One thing. One thing at a time.
The voice wins out. What does he miss... What would he do to get it back? A thought flickers into his mind, but before it can fully form, he's being assaulted by another voice. One he knows he's heard from someone in the group. He presses a hand to the side of his head, gritting his teeth, those words triggering his own intrusive thought. ]
Clive.
[ But no. No, no, Clive is alive, even though the words spoken in his head make his chest ache, make tears spring to his eyes. The agony in them, mixing with the sudden memory of his talons in his brother's chest, digging out his heart. ]
No. No, he's fine. He's alive. He's fine. He came back, he's all right.
[ But he was gutted in front of him. Blood everywhere, like-- ]
[While the others are either slowly recovering or weren’t terribly badly affected by the mind link to begin with, Sesa and Joshua are feeding off of each other in a bad way. Though there’s a logical part of Sesa that is starting to realize these more gruesome thoughts aren’t his own- of a sibling being torn apart and bloodied- it’s been completely overruled by his own insecurities and panic, as Joshua’s becomes as if it were his own.
Clutching his head, he collapses into the water on his knees somewhere between the Seaborn and the rest of the group, his claws digging at his scalp and pulling at his hair in an attempt to make the wild, runaway thoughts stop. It doesn’t matter that they’d been spared of the thousands of voices. It only takes one to poison the mind, especially when you already believe one fact to be true:
That you are a monster. Everything is YOUR FAULT. You don’t deserve to live, you don’t deserve to breathe, you don’t deserve to exist in a world that HE IS NO LONGER IN.
He can’t even conjure up the memory of his brother’s face anymore. It’s all ash and fire and a broken reflection of himself, because he knows the fire wasn’t an accident, he was supposed to die in that disaster, but he didn’t.
None of these thoughts make it to the surface aloud as Sesa brings his hands around to his face, a broken sob catching behind his claws.]
This has to be karma. For what? Everything. Especially for holing himself up in his room for most of the winter and telling everyone he's fine. All his attempts at trying to wake up from a nightmare he can't escape. How ironic that the one person who wants most of all to stay hidden behind the scenes has his thoughts brought to the forefront for all of them to hear. ]
I'm... I miss Floyd, I miss Azul. I miss mothers' calls every other day I miss father I want them back I want to go back home and away from this Sevens-forsaken place I'm l
Get out of my head. Silence. I've had enough of this get out. Get out, getoutgetoutgetoutgetout!
They're coming to get me I just know it. We missed each others' birthday. I just have to bide my time. Nothing is fun without them
This isn't fun. Get out.
[ Jade is standing stiff as a board, staring off into the distance, into nothingness, trying his best steel himself in the face of whatever this voice is. Not that anyone could tell too much, but his hand is fisted into one of his pants pockets, holding onto a very familiar earring. Jade wears its' twin. ]
[ Jade lets out a shaky breath when the voice stops. And then more questions, to which the moray bluntly replies. ]
You sound like Azul, but less fun. If your attempt to help requires me to assimilate, I'd rather not. I'll deal with "loneliness" on my own somehow. I like the quiet. I miss them. It's too quiet sometimes. They'd be more upset with me running off and joining a collective in their absence, so: no, thank you.
Leave my mind, or you'll hear the same response in a less kind fashion.
Are we all alive, or shall I begin making funerary rites for us within this corpse of an Arbor?
[ Please ignore him crawling himself off the ground where he was dragged and cuddled by babies, his own clung tightly to his neck still. So he can give it little kissies still.
He still wants to march himself off into the direction of consuming darkness at the mortifying feeling of having someone else inside his damn head... But he's back to masking now that it's mostly silent. HA they win. ]
Once everyone has had their fair share of psychological perils, once the questions are all sufficiently answered, much like Joshua before, you all will feel something hard and cube-shaped in your hand.
All of you will have the same blue 8-sided die in your hands. (If you roll it, please roll in the Discord channel for results!)
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no subject
"In a life-or-death situation, what would you be willing to sacrifice to ensure your survival?" [HM. don't like that.] What are the other entries? [maybe various accounts or cryptic messages will paint a bigger picture.]
no subject
[Once he’s done with it, he pulls out his camera. Sorry about the flash.]
Here, let me try-
[Boop, lets tap on another!]
no subject
The note that comes up for this one, everyone will immediately see, bright blue paint, or for those who know the Seaborn blood color, blood smeared across the page. It reads: ]
RETURN TO US, ISHAR'MLA
[ But you can vaguely read the note beneath it. It's written in the same handwriting as the last. ]
Maybe losing the Firstborn of "Migration" has made the others forget Our true goals? Perhaps I am just too in tune with the Caerula Arbor that I pass judgment on the others too easily. It's unclear to me at this point. I imagine the other Bishops are the same. Regardless, Quintus, the Bishop of Ishar'mla, has died. And I know so has Ishar'mla, though It has chosen a new host in the hunters that have killed it. I can still feel Its presence, though dormant. If She awakens, I fear She and the newly reborn Primordial Lifespring will cause devastation throughout the whole of Terra.
A Profound Silence so great it will wipe out all technology, all civilization as we know it. This makes my research more important. I must make haste.
I've obtained a new Aegir apprentice. Her name is Highmore. She was very willing to subject herself to becoming Seaborn and be experimented on after I had simply taken her from those gallows. I suppose it's cruel of me to take advantage of it, but she's retained her humanity well. At least Mizuki has a friend now.
[ And once again, there's more Seaborn language scribbled across the bottom. ]
no subject
Well, this is starting to answer some questions about the Firstborn, isn't it?
[He has nothing else to add here.]
We should get as many photos as possible. [With a nod to Dipper.] Even if they aren't going to prove useful later, they're quite interesting to read, and I'm sure Mizuki will be willing to explain when we rescue him.
[The pursuit of knowledge... never fucking stops.
Anyway, he'll wait for Dipper to take photos again. Someone else can touch the computer, Gnosis doesn't want to leave anyone in the dust by being a speed-reader.]
1/3
My understanding of the Nevermelting Iceberg, gleaned through the lens of We Many, is but a fragment of a much larger tapestry. It's of no fault of the Firstborn that I have not researched it more, but rather fault of the man who stands as its Bishop—a figure of profound influence.
The Firstborn is steeped in ancient ways, a being of simplicity that even humans would grasp. It embodies a perspective that shuns needless violence, much like the Caerula Arbor. Yet, therein lies a divergence: while the Arbor seeks harmony, the Iceberg's resolution is to dissolve individuality into a singular existence—just Seaborn, just We Many.
I find myself at odds with this notion, for it strikes at the very heart of what We hold dear: the principle of Growth. How can We aspire to reach our fullest potential if We are stripped of the very stimuli that nurture Our evolution? Consider the intricate dance of life—the insects that have evolved to wield poison against their foes, the plants that ensnare with their alluring scents, the art of camouflage. These marvels thrive in the rich soil of coexistence, drawing strength from the diversity that surrounds them. The beauty of ecological change is a testament to the power of variety. How could we ever hope to be merely Us?
Ah, but I digress. The Firstborn embodies Our final pillar: Reproduction. It drifts through the ocean, a colossal leviathan, serving as a sanctuary for Our kin to breed. To the untrained eye, it may appear cloaked in snow, yet those are not mere crystals; they are the eggs of Our future. Aulus, the Bishop of this Firstborn, treads a perilous path, for he takes it upon himself to feed Our flesh to those who would join Us, transforming them into Seaborn. I fear that his actions may unwittingly beckon another war to Our very doorstep.
[ And once again, Seaborn writing at the bottom. ]
2/3 cw: depictions of death/fire/blood/etc.
...
The screen glitches out, and nothing changes. You press it again, it's the same. Weird. Well, third time's a charm, right? If nothing else, from there you can figure out what else there is to investigate, but... the third time it's hit, the screen is bombarded with images. You're unable to really absorb any of them before a new image shows up. Dead Seaborn, dead people, cult gatherings, sacrifices, fire, fire, so much fire, the ocean but riddled with bodies, the shoreline covered in Nethersea Brand, lighthouses crumbling, ships sinking, carnage...
And then all at once the images go away. There's a deep rumble that comes from the tree. ]
We... are born.
[ It's a very, very deep voice that seems to sound from all around. It doesn't seem to be addressing anyone specifically. It's... like an echo of a voice long past. ]
Be that of the sky, be that of the land, be that of the sea. We are born of the universe. A collective of itself. A unity of cells. A unity of stars. A unity of atoms. A unity of life. I come into peace of the chaos.
I bear witness to the beings who would not tax their lives with forethoughts of grief.
We are not so different. We are wild. We wake up and survive. We learn and love. We evolve and grow. When a seed sprouts, it does not know if it will become food, or live to be a towering tree. But that is our cycle. And life cycles – life persists. We provide nutrients to our hunters, we provide knowledge to our offspring, we help them to survive.
So are we all not kin? Would a god decide that a life is invaluable, as if it is not a life itself? What right does a life have to decide that another doesn’t get the chance to be part of our cycle anymore?
I bear witness to the beings who would not tax their lives with forethoughts of grief.
But perhaps they should.
I rest with the grace of the universe. The day-blind stars are above me. I feel it. May those who interrupt the cycle of growth inherit my pain forevermore.
no subject
IT'S SHOCKING OKAY HE WASN'T EXPECTING SUDDEN BOOMING VOICE AROUND THEM. ]
no subject
well, despite the glares earlier, livio moves a little closer to him, if nothing else, than to give affogato the feeling of being shielded. he did say he's here to defend, after all.]
3/3 cw: insanity mentions
[ For those of you who rolled a 1: (Affo, Livio)
You will hear millions upon millions of voices in your head. All of them whispering in different tones, different voices, different emotions. Despite this, they all seem to be asking the same thing: ]
What would you be willing to sacrifice to ensure your survival?
[ ...More than that, though. While there is this sea of voices in your head, there's one other in the midst you seem to be able to pick up on. Thoughts that still aren't your own. But each other's. ]
[ For those of you who rolled a 2: (Dipper, Gnosis)
You hear the sound of static in your head. It's faint, but it's there. You both will notice that you can hear each other's thoughts before there's finally a voice. And when it's there it's...
...Mizuki's? It's distant. It's static-y. Like a bad recording. But it's there! ]
...What would...consider your biggest 'growth'...your life...be...?
[ For those of you who rolled a 3: (Joshua, Sesa)
Among your thoughts, you notice there's a humming that invades your head. Sesa may vaguely recognize this voice? Regardless, after a moment, this voice speaks: ]
Missing things from home... that's a human thing, is it not? Yet all the same, I can't help but wonder, what do you miss? What would you do to get it back?
[ And, like the others, you both will realize soon you can hear each others thoughts... ]
[ For you who rolled a 4... (Jade)
...It's silent, at first, actually. A little too silent.
...
... ]
Are you lonely?
[ The voice is smooth, yet echoey and distant, like it's speaking to you from an empty stage. You can hear it's every intake of air, every syllable, so clearly as if the words come from your own mouth. ]
Are you lonely? What's that like for you? Who do you miss? Who do you miss the most? Do you want them back? Do you want that to be fixed? Do you want to stay lonely? Do you hate this feeling? What's it like?
[ The silence is suddenly filled by this voice, who rapidfires off these questions to you. Then it repeats it, over and over and over and over and over - it's almost maddening, you want the silence back! Shut up, shut up...
...
You do not hear others thoughts aside from this voice, but fret not, because everyone can hear yours. ]
1: welp
[ The cacophony of voices was bad enough, making him clutch at his head, try to even hear himself amongst the rolling sweep of them. No! No no no no! He doesn't want this! He doesn't want to be lost in a sea of voices! Is he screaming? He doesn't know. He can't hear himself to scream.
NO NO NO!
Who is he amongst the million? Nothing, no one. Just one of many.
Anything. He would give anything to ensure his survival, because no one else will. No one ever has, not even when he was a child, tossed away and disdained for simply because of what he was. So he gave everything of himself. His comfort, his dignity. No one helped so he gave it all and now?! Now he can't hear himself, he's losing all he fought for to make of himself, and he's screaming- ]
cw: death ideation
there are millions of voices, though, not just those living in his own head. it... makes him ever so slightly better prepared to deal with this than affo, but it's still overwhelming and he feels a familiar migraine threaten to split his skull down the middle.
he's dreaded this question since he first read it.]
Nothing. [he thinks immediately, before his own voice corrects with the desperation of a starving animal.] Anything! [the back and forth continues.] I'm worthless. You're everything! I'd rather die than make someone suffer for me. I'll kill and kill and KILL to make sure you NEVER suffer again! If you want me to make the choice, just kill me now. You're the whole fucking point! You're EVERYTHING!
[it seems livio, razlo, and affogato all shout simultaneously, overlaid atop the million repetitive questions. even among the jumble of words, though, he can still feel the core of affogato's thoughts as if they were his own. there's no hesitation, despite razlo's insistence otherwise.]
Use me. No, no, NO! I won't let you! Please. [if this was all a trap, a test, and one of them has to sacrifice to save the other, let it be him. he's felt the same pain affogato is feeling right now, and clearly affo wants to live more than he does.]
cw: talk of poisoning/bodily effects like gagging, vomiting/choking on it etc
[ Is he thinking it, screaming it? Livio's thoughts burn loud among the millions of others as well as the one that- ah, he remembers it. The one he let loose on the beach the one time by having Livio test a tonic. Razlo. Both of them, arguing back and forth, and Affogato feels like he's quailing, sinking.
Why won't they shut up what does he do to make them shut up?
Use me, Livio says and Affogato shrinks away from his 'voice'. ]
Shut up!
[ It's too loud. It's too loud and he can't think. Silence. He needs silence. His hand is still on his staff, he can feel it. He raises it up. Silence. He can't hear if it jingles or not but it does. The sound is... probably fucking ominous.
Poison will give him silence. It always does. Cruel tongues falling limp, forcing their barbs back into their throats. Choke on it. What will he give to survive?
More than anyone's ever given him. ]
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cw: razlo being razlo
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2: two nerds walk into a treehole // hover for translations
Dette er fascinerende. Skriv raskere, skriv raskere... Jeg har ikke skrevet så raskt i stenografi på en stund. Ah, jeg burde tatt bilder med telefonen min også... de andre står bare der, lurer på om jeg bruker for lang tid.
[huh what was that was that a question... He'll think back at it in Victorian:]
My biggest growth? ...it probably came from after Enciodes and I returned to Kjerag after graduating college, I suppose. Perhaps when we started Karlan Trade?
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[Dipper's thoughts are a stream of consciousness that bounce wildly around. Gotta get this down as fast as possible, there's a lot of information here, i'm still missing context I think, need to make a chart for the names, how many sects does their church have, I wonder what seaborn taste like, hey did I leave that curry out before leaving I hope Grunkle Stan puts it in the fridge, that language is super interesting, I wonder if I can crack it after having this many lines of letters, homemade pink sprinkles for cupcakes do you think mamika would-]
[Then it cuts off as another voice joins. This one is muffled some and it sounds like an amaglamation of Dipper's voice and something else, something distorted and shrill, almost. High pitched with an almost scream quality to it. The two voices speak as one: What makes you think you're contributing anything here that someone else isn't already? You keep writing down your little notes like you want to be some hero but aren't you just getting in the way?]
Shut up! I didn't ask you, and- Damn it, you made me miss what the voice said! It sounded like Mizuki! UGH!
That sounds like YOUR problem, doesn't it? Can't even keep your thoughts straight anymore.
I said shut up! It said something about growth! I- I don't know. I think maybe when Mabel and I decided to walk through the Door. We knew we wouldn't be going home ever again, but we needed to move forward, even if that meant saying good bye to the life we used to know.
...Have you noticed yet? What's happening?
[Dipper very suddenly snaps his attention to Gnosis, wide and startled.]
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Yeah, those sure are Dipper thoughts! And... something else? The next stream of consciousness is again in Kjeragi before Gnosis has the "wait shit" moment and decides he's going to talk out loud... looks like Affo was doing something, but Gnosis is too focused on the thought invasion to really give two fucks right now. That, and he's reaaaally taking notes here. He and Dipper both, it seems.
He takes a deep breath.]
Our thoughts are linked.
[And he assumes, by the perturbed expressions of the others, that's true for them as well. That assumption rings loud and completely unclear in Dipper's mind: "De andre er også berørt. — Wait, fuck."]
And you have... [...] ADHD and Schizophrenia?
[GNOSIS, REALLY? RIGHT NOW???]
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3: my paid ran out at the worst time for this-
The humming suddenly invades Sesa's thoughts, and hearing a somewhat familiar voice actually makes him startle and look back over his shoulder. He wouldn't say he knows Skadi well, but she's a fellow Operator...he has passing knowledge of almost everyone at Rhodes, and she is no exception.
What do you miss? What would you do to get it back?, her voice asks.
And like an intrusive thought (which it basically is, his stream of consciousness), Sesa answers it instantly, of which Joshua will also abruptly be hearing:]
Brother. My brother, my brother, I miss my brother so much. I want to take his place. Let me take his place. He didn't deserve to die let me take his place!!!
cw: violent imagery
The voice wins out. What does he miss... What would he do to get it back? A thought flickers into his mind, but before it can fully form, he's being assaulted by another voice. One he knows he's heard from someone in the group. He presses a hand to the side of his head, gritting his teeth, those words triggering his own intrusive thought. ]
Clive.
[ But no. No, no, Clive is alive, even though the words spoken in his head make his chest ache, make tears spring to his eyes. The agony in them, mixing with the sudden memory of his talons in his brother's chest, digging out his heart. ]
No. No, he's fine. He's alive. He's fine. He came back, he's all right.
[ But he was gutted in front of him. Blood everywhere, like-- ]
Father. Father, I should have protected you--
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Clutching his head, he collapses into the water on his knees somewhere between the Seaborn and the rest of the group, his claws digging at his scalp and pulling at his hair in an attempt to make the wild, runaway thoughts stop. It doesn’t matter that they’d been spared of the thousands of voices. It only takes one to poison the mind, especially when you already believe one fact to be true:
That you are a monster. Everything is YOUR FAULT. You don’t deserve to live, you don’t deserve to breathe, you don’t deserve to exist in a world that HE IS NO LONGER IN.
He can’t even conjure up the memory of his brother’s face anymore. It’s all ash and fire and a broken reflection of himself, because he knows the fire wasn’t an accident, he was supposed to die in that disaster, but he didn’t.
None of these thoughts make it to the surface aloud as Sesa brings his hands around to his face, a broken sob catching behind his claws.]
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4
This has to be karma. For what? Everything. Especially for holing himself up in his room for most of the winter and telling everyone he's fine. All his attempts at trying to wake up from a nightmare he can't escape. How ironic that the one person who wants most of all to stay hidden behind the scenes has his thoughts brought to the forefront for all of them to hear. ]
I'm... I miss Floyd, I miss Azul. I miss mothers' calls every other day I miss father I want them back I want to go back home and away from this Sevens-forsaken place I'm l
Get out of my head. Silence. I've had enough of this get out. Get out, getoutgetoutgetoutgetout!
They're coming to get me I just know it. We missed each others' birthday. I just have to bide my time.
Nothing is fun without themThis isn't fun. Get out.
[ Jade is standing stiff as a board, staring off into the distance, into nothingness, trying his best steel himself in the face of whatever this voice is. Not that anyone could tell too much, but his hand is fisted into one of his pants pockets, holding onto a very familiar earring. Jade wears its' twin. ]
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We could help. You wouldn't be alone. What hurts more, your loneliness, or missing them?
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You sound like Azul, but less fun. If your attempt to help requires me to assimilate, I'd rather not. I'll deal with "loneliness" on my own somehow. I like the quiet. I miss them. It's too quiet sometimes. They'd be more upset with me running off and joining a collective in their absence, so: no, thank you.
Leave my mind, or you'll hear the same response in a less kind fashion.
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Outloud
[ Please ignore him crawling himself off the ground where he was dragged and cuddled by babies, his own clung tightly to his neck still. So he can give it little kissies still.
He still wants to march himself off into the direction of consuming darkness at the mortifying feeling of having someone else inside his damn head... But he's back to masking now that it's mostly silent. HA they win. ]
> continue?
All of you will have the same blue 8-sided die in your hands. (If you roll it, please roll in the Discord channel for results!)
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It lands on 7. ]
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It lands on 1. ]
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1/?
2/?
3/?
4/5
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cw: eldritch body horror
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light suicidal ideation cw
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anyway, brings this out of the brain subthread
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